How to Talk About Veganism with Non-Vegans
As a new vegan, I quickly realized the subject would come up often in conversation. The human experience revolves around food, so the subject is bound to arise. As a vegan, you will not be able to avoid questions and conversations about it in every situation, as much as you may want to.
Unfortunately, I have caused unintended strife with some people in my life by talking about my choice. This is a territory I am still learning how to navigate less than a year into my transition, but there are a handful of key teachings I have learned through trial and error when it comes to having conversations that can be uncomfortable.
From a new vegan to an even newer vegan, here is some advice on how to talk about your decision with those who may not relate.
1. Understand the difference between “vegan” and “plant based”
Veganism is often conflated with a personal dietary health choice, or an environmentally-conscious stance. While going vegan will achieve positive health and environmental outcomes, neither motivation reflects the core purpose of veganism. Veganism is not a diet, nor an environmental ideology — veganism is an animal rights and liberation movement. The definition of veganism begins and ends with justice for the animals.
To be vegan means to be pro-animal liberation, and anti-animal abuse. On a whole-food, plant based diet, you will likely feel more vitalized and conscious of your overall health. You may also feel greater peace around your environmental footprint, stepping away from something causing such grave harm to the planet. One could be passionate about their own health or the environment, but not necessarily believe that animals should be free of human exploitation and violence. This individual thus misses the point of veganism.
Before talking about veganism with non-vegans, I highly suggest knowing your “why.” If you are on a whole foods, plant based diet for your health or the environment, it is best to tell others you have gone “plant based.” This statement conveniently avoids a sensitive ethical discussion. If your primary motivation is justice for the animals, however, it is appropriate to say that you are vegan. If you wish to avoid diving into the ethics behind the choice, keep it vague by simply stating you are vegan for ethical reasons, or vegan for the animals.
This leads me to my next point:
2. Use “I” language
If you are passionate about being vegan, you will inevitably find yourself discussing the ethics of the ideology with others. Some of these discussions will feel productive and respectful, while others may feel frustrating and isolating. It is only human to resent being told what to do, and to resent being told we are wrong. These are easy insinuations for non-vegans to take away (I would know from the time before I went vegan!). Such interpretations from your audience can be reduced or avoided by using “I” language.
Instead of saying “killing animals for food (and clothing) is wrong,” you can instead say “I believe killing animals for food is wrong.” The same point comes across in both statements, but the latter is less likely to be received as a personal attack. Even though it may feel better to state objectively “going vegan is the right thing to do for these reasons,” it is better to say “I found that going vegan was the right thing to do.”
Using “I” language in conversation is a good strategy in general whenever you feel that the interaction could stir up emotion. In the context of veganism, it will ensure greater openness and curiosity from the person you are speaking with. As an added bonus, no one can rightfully call you “militant” if you are speaking in “I” terms. By using this language, you can talk about the benefits of being vegan without directly saying “you should go vegan.” This encourages a reflective rather than defensive reaction. Some people will inevitably get defensive anyway, but at least you have done your best to keep the peace.
If you do dive into the details of veganism’s ethics, I recommend you remain grounded in the following practice:
3. Neither condemn nor coddle those you speak with
You will find that justifications for eating animal products come up during conversations with non-vegans, either stemming from a guilty conscience or real belief that doing so is ethical in some contexts. Most people are naturally compassionate towards animals and do not agree with torture and murder. Still, those paying to support this reality for animals may seek a nod of agreement from you. You may hear things like “well, I only eat fish” or “I only eat cage-free eggs” or “I make sure I get meat from local, ethical farms.” These people are only paying for animal abuse to some degree, and they want you to say that’s good enough.
As vegans, though, we stand against all forms and levels of animal abuse. Labels on products exist to make consumers feel better, but no animal product is truly humane. Every animal faces the same premature and fearful end, regardless of the way it is raised. And while chastising others for eating animals is counterproductive, coddling them by agreeing that some abuse is excusable is not appropriate either. If you can, avoid providing non-vegans with this comforting pat on the back. We don’t applaud people for being racist only sometimes, so why would we applaud people for supporting animal abuse only sometimes?
Sticking to the practice of neither condemning nor coddling is tricky to navigate, but gets easier with practice. I like to share an attitude of enthusiasm with those moving closer to a vegan lifestyle, citing the benefits and encouraging them to keep it up. It is a transition, and that’s okay. We all start somewhere, and vegans can elevate those making better choices without excusing the choices that still support abuse.
4. Remain grounded in your ideology
Grab some fast food or have one too many alcoholic beverages, and no one will bat an eye. But as soon as you go vegan, suddenly people come out of the woodwork attempting to poke holes in your entirely positive lifestyle. People will challenge you on how you get enough food and nutrients, whether it’s actually more ethical than eating animals, whether it is the best way of eating to support your health and fitness, and how you even enjoy food anymore.
While the benefits of veganism are numerous, the core tenet stands — it is an animal rights movement. As people try to take you down a winding road of counterarguments, you can remain firm in your assertion that innocent beings should not suffer and die needlessly. That is what veganism is all about.
It is for this very reason, further, that vegans do not respect the choice to eat animals. The “personal choice” argument is one I hear cited often — “I respect your choice to eat vegan, so you should respect my choice to eat meat.” But not all choices are equal. I respect an adult’s choice to have sex with another consenting adult. I do not, however, respect an adult’s choice to have sex with a child. In the context of food, one choice supports torture and murder of sentient beings, while the other does not.
It is important to not figuratively smack someone upside the head with vegan ideology, especially at the table. In return, non-vegans are called to understand why their choice is tolerated, but not respected. The tolerance you show to non-vegans is respect, and it’s the most respect you can offer while remaining grounded in your values. Beyond that, avoid giving way to someone else’s conflicting ideology and focus on mutually positive parts of the relationship you can align on.
5. Stay positive
Sometimes being vegan can feel like being on an island. If your experience has been anything at all like mine, you see the world completely differently now. Pushing past social norms to face and internalize the whole truth can feel sickening and horrifying. For me, it felt like waking up from a trance by getting slapped in the face with what was right in front of me all along.
If you are disturbed by the food and language all around you, you are not alone. As a vegan, it feels paradoxical to be viewed as the extreme one. While many believe it is difficult to be vegan, most new vegans quickly realize it is actually much harder to accept that such a grand violent atrocity is so casually embraced. If the human population was murdered at the same rate as land animals alone, our population would go extinct in just a few days. The scale of needless suffering is impossible to comprehend.
Knowing what we know, it is easy to feel disheartened and powerless in a world that has so much further to go. However, it is important to stay positive. Remember the impact of your actions alone — one animal per day is saved from slaughter because of you! Keep in mind also that even though vegans are a minority, the movement is growing. Our world is slowly but undeniably moving in the direction of compassion. Demand for this forward progress has increased due to your purchase decisions.
There are so many other vegans just as passionate as you, and surrounding yourself with these people is empowering. I highly recommend pursuing social groups online and near you who share your values — it makes the world feel brighter when we know we are not on an island after all!
Not everyone is open to veganism. I believe, though, that the people open to it outnumber those who aren’t. I took some convincing myself, but I am extremely grateful to my activist friend (pictured below) who helped me open my mind. I will never go back. Maybe you were once resistant to veganism yourself, but look at you now!
I hope you have taken away some ideas from this post on how to approach conversations around veganism. It can be a touchy subject, but it’s an important one. Kudos to you if you have the courage to approach it with those who are resistant, and kudos also to the vegans who care for the animals but choose to avoid ethical conversations.
Have ideas on approaching conversations that I missed? I would love to hear about it in the comments below!
Interested in learning about vegan activism and using the Socratic method to open minds? Check out Anonymous for the Voiceless and find a cube near you! AV offers a great opportunity to connect with other vegans, and to have productive conversations.
